“Domestic abuse. It affects everyone”

In my Twitter feed this morning, I received the following link and excellent article about domestic abuse which I share below, along with some thoughts and advice of my own.

Domestic abuse: not just a tenant issue From Inside Housing @insidehousing ABUSE-MIN

The above article is a powerful and pertinent piece that is, statistically, almost certain to affect or have affected everyone at some point in their careers (even if they may be unaware of it) either directly or, via a family member, colleague or friend.

“Domestic abuse will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime.”

Every victims’ experience will be unique but there are some common factors they may well experience. It is a deeply humiliating, often terrifying and usually dis-empowering act/ pattern of behaviour perpetrated on the victim that often leaves long-lasting emotional and physical wounds. It happens to men and women almost equally and people in same-sex relationships.

If you recognise the behaviours listed below either as someone on the receiving end of abuse or, as a perpetrator, seek help. It is out there.

Some facts surrounding abuse in the UK

Source ‘Living Without Abuse lwa.org.uk

Domestic abuse:

“Will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime

Leads to, on average, two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year

Accounts for 16% of all violent crime (Source: Crime in England and Wales 04/05 report), however it is still the violent crime least likely to be reported to the police

Has more repeat victims than any other crime (on average there will have been 35 assaults before a victim calls the police)

Is the single most quoted reason for becoming homeless (Shelter, 2002)

In 2010 the Forced Marriage Unit responded to 1735 reports of possible Forced Marriages.

In addition, approximately 400 people commit suicide each year who have attended hospital for domestic abuse injuries in the previous six months, 200 of these attend hospital on the day they go on to commit suicide”

What is abuse?

Official UK government definition:

Domestic abuse in a relationship: recognise it

There are different kinds of abuse, but it’s always about having power and control over you.

If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you might be in an abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse

Does your partner ever:

  • belittle you, or put you down?
  • blame you for the abuse or arguments?
  • deny that abuse is happening, or play it down?
  • isolate you from your family and friends?
  • stop you going to college or work?
  • make unreasonable demands for your attention?
  • accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
  • tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
  • control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other essential things?

Threats and intimidation

Does your partner ever:

  • threaten to hurt or kill you?
  • destroy things that belong to you?
  • stand over you, invade your personal space?
  • threaten to kill themselves or the children?
  • read your emails, texts or letters?
  • harass or follow you?

Physical abuse

The person abusing you may hurt you in a number of ways.

Does your partner ever:

  • slap, hit or punch you?
  • push or shove you?
  • bite or kick you?
  • burn you?
  • choke you or hold you down?
  • throw things?

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, whether they’re male or female.

Does your partner ever:

  • touch you in a way you don’t want to be touched?
  • make unwanted sexual demands?
  • hurt you during sex?
  • pressure you to have unsafe sex – for example, not using a condom?
  • pressure you to have sex?
  • If your partner has sex with you when you don’t want to, this is rape.

Have you ever felt afraid of your partner?

Have you ever changed your behaviour because you’re afraid of what your partner might do?

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, there is help available.

English National Domestic Violence Helpline

0808 2000 247

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